Thank you for choosing our great nation to be your new home. In order to help you assimilate more quickly, we've prepared this handy check-list of Australian values to which you should aspire.
Although we welcome you to Australia, please don't forget to leave your unwanted foreign belief systems at home (unless you're from the United Kingdom or the United States of America; your cultures are vastly superior to ours and we wouldn't dream of making you abandon the values and activities to which we ourselves aspire).
Please select at least three of the following values to adopt as your own:
- A 'she'll be right' attitude (which should not, under any circumstances, be misconstrued as laziness)
- Racism
- Passing the buck
- Drunkeness
- Poor sportsmanship
- A general contempt for literature and the arts
- Fanatical devotion to a sporting code of your choice
- Jealousy of achievement (except in the case of sportsmen, and occasionally sportswomen, but only if they look cute in a bikini)
Please note that notion of a fair go, and the concept of supporting the underdog, have been phased out of operation in order for Australia to remain competitive in the global economy.
Yours smugly,
The Hon. Peter Costello
2 comments:
Very well said. (Although I'm sad that it need be said.) My heckles are raised every time I hear someone say the unnaturally co-joined words "un-Australian", or even worse, claim title to "Australian values".
hehehehe
that's funny
you're funny
the world/reality is slightly less funny
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